Telling My Friends..

NOT.. as it turns out.. as easy as I thought.

Actually.. I don't think I ever did think it would be easy but I'll admit some reactions did surprise me,

Most of my close friends have been so supportive I could cry. SUCH lovely responses, it has given me the confidence to tell people and not hide what I want. As far as anyone is telling me, they get why I am doing it and support the decision even if they think the donor route would be one they would choose first if they had found themselves in my situation.

IBut..  have had a few less positive reactions.. I know not everyone will agree with what I'm doing for their own personal reasons or because they genuinely don't think it's right for me. But I can't deny it didn't hurt me deeply. I know it's because people care for me. They want me to be living the dream and as a result feel that this decision is about me "giving up" on love.

The reality is, I'm not living the dream right now. I am nowhere near where I dreamed of being all those moons ago when I saw myself as the mother from the Brothers & Sisters sitcom or the Bisto gravy ads! I am where I am. Yes, it IS about me taking control.. but who else should I be relying on to do that? I'm not giving up, I'm just re-baselining my Project Plan :-)

I would say to anyone in my position, to be strong and stand by your decision. If you've made it, it's unlikely you've made it lightly. It's easy for people to see it negatively when they are in a loving relationship and have the family they wanted. It's easy to say it's selfish to raise a child alone when they've never known what it feels like to be desperate for even one parents love, nevermind two.

It's going to be a hard long road and at the end I may not be approved. And even if I am, that is then the beginning of another hard and long road. And I know my friends are only guilty of loving me and don't want me to suffer or feel like I have to but the reality is.. nothing worth doing is easy and without their support (even if they don't necessarily agree) THAT'S when it will be hardest of all.

I'm hoping that by following me on my journey through this blog (in which I plan to be as open as possible), anyone worried about me will feel more sure about why I want this and whether I can cope with the road ahead and the outcome.

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