Always My Lily..

Some of you.. if you're even a teensy bit more observant than I am.. will have noticed I've change my Blog display name to "Lily's Mum".

I'm a member of a few forums including the Fertility Friends Adoption & Fostering boards (which I can't recommend enough by the way, if you're looking for info and support) and a few people suggested I want to be a bit more "anonymous" as they are frequently used by SWs and VAs/LAs etc. and you never know do you so.. welcome advice anyway.

Also I don't want anyone stumbling on this accidentally, before I've had chance to tell them myself. Especially colleagues.

You may also be wandering who the hell Lily is! No.. I do not have a lovechild that I am keeping hidden from the world. But Lily is my little girl.

Throughout my life when I have pictured my child.. I have had a glimmer of an image of a little girl. Never a boy, always a girl. And I knew that she was loved more than anyone had ever known. And I knew she was mine. And when I met The One and the reality of "family" became more real than it ever had before (even more real than ironically, when I was actually trying to conceive!), that glimmer became a living breathing image of a little girl. With the cutest round face and huge chocolate brown eyes. Olive skin and hair, not the unruly mass that I had growing up, but lovely bouncy curls. And she was beautiful. And she was called Lily.

The Lily of those hopes and dreams is my daughter. My flesh and blood, when I thought that might be possible. Now I know I'm young enough, even beyond this adoption journey, for me to still give birth to my own child if someone came along but I also know my hopes and dreams aren't actually about flesh and blood. That's why I've chosen this route and no other. They're about Lily.

And if I am lucky.. If I am SO lucky.. I will be approved to adopt. And although her name will be something different. She might be a Jane, or an Eva, or a Rose.. to me she'll always be my little Lily.

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