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My kittens have started whining at me in the morning.

I'd like to say "miaowing" but that would imply the noise is like that a cat would make as opposed to the slowly-dying-beetle impression they're actually doing.

My first port of call is usually the food cupboard to relieve them of (by the incessant racket they're making) the hideous hunger pains they must be feeling. Once they've eaten and found out where I've fled to escape, whimpering resumes and I usually try a cuddle. This seems to work until one of them starts biting my elbow and the other tries eating my hair.

Trying to finish getting ready for work seems to bring on more strange screeches but on the basis that their food cupboard would be as empty as my fridge without my job, I resort to throwing toys at them. Okay "in front" of them in the hope that one will catch their eye long enough for me to leg it out the door.

It doesn't work and as they can't actually speak and tell me what the bloody hell they want from me I go with the only alternative, i.e... cats? What cats??

I'm guessing.. this could be seen as some of neglect when it comes to children so I'm very much hoping they'll come with a better instruction manual!

(Picturing the 3 of them ganging up on me in a wall of pouting defiance as I attempt to distract them with biscuits...)

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